The term self-esteem is often confused with self-confidence. Whereas the latter can be described as the feeling of trust in one’s ability to be, to do, or to achieve something; self-esteem is generally a characteristic that refers to a person’s overall sense of self-worth and value. In its simplicity, self-esteem means appreciating yourself regardless of imperfections, foibles, and all, and moving through the world despite these faults. While it is an advantage to have healthy self-esteem, improving and nurturing this feeling seems to be surprisingly tough.

You may often describe your self-esteem as ranging from low to middle and high, depending on situations or day-to-day events. How you value yourself is a reflection of your thoughts, feelings and actions. Of all the judgments you make in life, your judgment about yourself is the most important.  The level of self-esteem can help predict certain outcomes, including happiness, achievement, relationships, etc.

An adequate amount of positive self-esteem is vital in the development of a healthy personality. A healthy level of it will allow you to feel good about yourself and result in your feeling proud about your abilities and accomplishments. If you are, however, experiencing a low level of self-esteem that is pervasive and detrimental to the overall quality of your life, therapy is an excellent way to boost your self-value and inner confidence.

The Development of Low Self-Esteem

Self-esteem develops across a lifespan, spanning through a person’s experiences and relationships from birth. While no single person or event determines the level of self-esteem, it is the family or home that lays the foundation and has the biggest impact on the development of one’s self-esteem.

In early childhood, feelings and experiences of being valued and understood contribute to healthy self-esteem. The unconditional and stable love provides a sense of security and respect and assures a child of his/her own worth. This early nurturing helps the child to develop the instinct to nurture and protect their own self in the face of difficulties and challenges. With healthy self-esteem received from a supportive environment, a child can grow into adulthood into a position in which he/she can realistically accept either successes or failures without damaging themselves.

On the other hand, low self-esteem in childhood can easily carry on into adulthood. Parental neglect, rejection, loneliness, bullying or peer pressure, body image, trauma, socioeconomic status and emotional health issues are some factors leading to self-doubt that may eventually result in low self-esteem. Negative or unfavorable experiences and troubled relationships can also reduce a person’s natural ability of self-protection, which can further dent the self-image. Journeying with counseling for the quest for self-worth may be beneficial.

Exposing the Three Faces of Low Self-Esteem

It is not always easy to identify low self-esteem because it wears several faces. The common ones are revealed in the following:

• The Imposter: Behind the happy and successful stance, a person with low self-esteem is actually terrified of failure. There is the constant fear to be unmasked thus there is the struggle to achieve continuous success to maintain an aura of positive self-esteem, leading to problems with competition, perfection, procrastination, and burn-out.

• The Rebel: Characterized by acting as if the opinions or good will of others, especially coming from powerful or authoritative people, are not important. Low self-esteem is manifested by the need to prove that judgment or criticisms by others do not hurt, leading to excessive blaming, law breaking or consistent opposition to authority. The feeling of not being good enough is exhibited through constant anger.

• The Victim: A person who has low self-esteem can act helpless and unable to meet their challenges, hoping to be rescued. The mask of self-pity or indifference is used as a shield against the fear of it taking over their life. There is always reliance for guidance, contributing to the person’s unassertiveness, lack of achievement, and excessive dependence on others.

Recognizing the Signs and Symptoms

Low levels of self-esteem carry distinctive characteristics, feelings, and behaviors typically considered as benchmarks for determining if it is beneficial to explore therapy designed to improve the diminished amount of self-worth.

The effect of low self-esteem varies from person to person, but it often includes a pessimistic outlook and negative, disapproving view of themselves. A person with poor self-esteem tends to focus on his failures, weaknesses or setbacks, and often blames others for their miseries. Low self-esteem can cause a person to be aggressive or hostile when criticized, to the point of engaging in self-harming behavior.  This negative self-talk renders someone with low self-esteem critical of themselves, leaving them with a perpetual sense of failure or lack of accomplishment. Although rarely true, the thought patterns can be so ingrained in the person with self-esteem, that they may become oblivious to the frequency with which they occur.

When a person has little value as a person they may encounter problems expressing emotions constructively and may feel worse when expectations are not met. Although not a diagnosable disorder, a condition of low self-esteem can be chronically linked to many behavioral and emotional health problems, such as depression, eating disorders and generalized anxiety, as well as a host of risky behaviors.

People with low self-esteem feel poorly and judge their own selves to be inferior as compared to others. It is easy to spot the signs. Some of the marked characteristics associated with low self-esteem include the following:

• Lack of self-confidence
• Feeling of worthlessness
• Timid behavior
• Feeling of incompetence
• Feeling unloved
• Lack of assertiveness
• Preoccupation with negative thoughts
• Pretension
• Social withdrawal
• Indecisive behavior
• Lack of generosity
• Distorted views of self and others
• Inability to focus in the present
• Self-neglect

It is important to mention that the list is only indicative and not exhaustive. Some symptoms are not necessarily present, and some may manifest themselves to a greater or lesser degree in a person struggling with low self-esteem. Knowing the common signs can help you or someone you know take the necessary steps to increase self-esteem.

Therapy: A Confident Choice                           

Self-esteem is a state of mind, and you have the power to change it. Change may mean taking a hard look at yourself if your mind is filled with negative feelings and judgments toward yourself. Keep in mind that in every situation or condition, you have a choice that can spell the difference in improving your thinking and quality of life. All you need is the confidence to opt for the right choice.

Sadly, people with low self-esteem are not inclined to ask for help because of shame or a feeling of worthlessness. If you want to have power over your emotions and improve your low self-esteem, seek the help of the right fit counselor independently contracted with Carolina Counseling Services – Southern Pines, NC. Counseling for low self-esteem can be a great help if you want to embrace change in order to pump up your self-esteem meter to an all-time high.

Therapy not only provides a supportive base to explore your negative self-impressions. It also serves as a nonjudgmental environment to identify the root causes of self-sabotaging behaviors that create problems with your relationships, performance and functioning.

Once you start accepting yourself, you can be more confident in various aspects of your life. It is when your overall sense of self-esteem begins to improve and increase that you can feel and think about yourself in a new light. Choosing to start therapy may dramatically change the way you think and what you do, now and in the days ahead. Call CCS – Southern Pines, NC to request an appointment. It is never too late to feel good about yourself.