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Living with the Pain of Placing Your Child for Adoption


Living with the Pain of Placing Your Child for Adoption


Placing a child for adoption is one of the most distressing decisions for a mother to make. If you’re considering placing your child for adoption or have done so, you may experience long-term emotional consequences afterwards. Approximately 90 percent of birth mothers who give up children do so with some degree of emotional pain, although it may be tempered by a sense of relief that your decision is for your own benefit and the child’s. You will move on with your life, but the acute anguish and sadness may remain.


Enduring the Difficult Feelings

Unlike the grief felt when a loved one dies, grief over placing a child for adoption is often complicated and continuous. It is a kind of grief that often cannot be acknowledged publicly, which is why many birth mothers suffer in silence. The first stages of grief—denial, anger, reasoning, and despair—don’t seem to alleviate the misery.

Over the years of separation, you may grieve over missed opportunities or milestones that could have been shared with the child. After the first years, you may feel mixed joy and sorrow. Certain times, such as holidays and anniversaries, may profoundly haunt you as they bring fresh pain and new wounds on top of the old ones.

To complicate matters, you may be inclined to bury these feelings. It is helpful if you can talk to a counselor. It’s difficult to explain it to those around you when you feel guilt and shame about having placed your child for adoption. You may fear no one will truly understand your circumstances. The negativity may lead to feeling unworthy or incompetent as a parent.

Even if you think that adoption was the right thing to do, you will be affected by your decision for many, many years down the road. You cannot avoid the difficult feelings and you may not be sure if you can live a productive life. Although the grief process is ugly, know that your feelings are normal and you are not alone. You can get help from supportive family, friends, or a professional counselor.


Coming to Terms with the Impact of Your Decision

Many birth mothers during the time of decision-making are unable to think logically. This is why Family Lives says it is “essential to talk through the alternatives with a trusted friend or relative and also to seek professional advice.” Whatever the reason for placing your child for adoption, you’ve made the ultimate sacrifice to ensure your baby has a good future. It takes tremendous strength to overpower your maternal instinct and make the decision you believe in your heart is best for the child. Only a selfless, courageous woman can do so.

While you are able to move forward, you will always carry that child in your heart. As a mother, you chose to give your child the kind of life you hoped and imagined for them. Instead of giving up, you headed down the difficult path to adoption with nothing but the love only a birth mother can give.


Easing the Pain of Adoption

This decision is one of the most critical you will ever make. It will have lifelong effects for you, your child, and the adoptive parents. You need unbiased advice from a caring counselor who is not a stakeholder in the outcome. You need a safe place to openly express and share your feelings so you can move through the stages of grief and achieve healing for your pain.

Carolina Counseling Services – Southern Pines, NC, contracts independently with adoption counselors who can help you make an informed and educated decision. You have the right to know and understand all your options. CCS – Southern Pines, NC, can support you in making the right choice and having a positive adoption experience. You can count on the help of a caring adoption counselor who will be there for you every step of the way. All the information you prefer to share and all the options you want to explore are kept in the strictest confidence to protect you and your child. Call now to request an appointment.

Confidential / Private Sessions

Carolina Counseling Services – Southern Pines, NC contracts with Licensed professional counselors/therapists/psychologists who provide a friendly, caring, and relaxed atmosphere in the Southern Pines/Pinehurst/Aberdeen/Raeford area. These independently contracted therapists/counselors assist adult individuals, couples, families, and children with resolving issues and getting back to enjoying their lives. Whether you are non-military or military, the independently contracted therapists with Carolina Counseling Services – Southern Pines, NC are able and happy to assist you!

Serving Areas: Carolina Counseling Services

Counties: Moore county, NC, Lee County, NC, Montgomery County, NC, Richmond County, NC, Randolph County, NC, Chatham County, NC

Cities: Southern Pines NC, Pinehurst NC, Aberdeen NC, Taylortown NC, Pinebluff NC, West End NC, Seven Lakes NC, Eagle Springs NC, Ashley Heights NC, Ashmont NC, Five Points NC, Wind Blow NC, Jackson Springs NC, Whispering Pines NC, Vass NC, Cameron NC, Carthage NC, Eastwood NC, Lakeview NC, Narrow Ridge NC, Robbins NC, Roseland NC, Tramway NC, Troy NC, Zion Grove NC, Biscoe NC

We are located at:

Carolina Counseling Services - Southern Pines, NC
780 NW Broad St. Suite 210
Southern Pines, NC 28387

Our Mailing Address:

PO BOX 9909
Fayetteville, NC 28311

How Do I Set Up my FIRST Appointment?

  • Call: (910) 725-6336 (Fastest way to schedule)
  • Text: (910) 308-3291 (Reply will be via phone)
  • Click here and use our Contact Form (You must include your phone number, because replies will only be made by telephone to ensure security/privacy)
  • Call or Text for your New Patient Appointment Anytime!
  • Appointment scheduling for NEW clients: Mon-Fri 8:30am-5:15pm
  • New client appts may be scheduled when therapists have openings, which may include daytime, evenings and weekends.
  • Established/Standing Appointments are made directly with your therapist!
  • Referrals: MOST beneficiaries do NOT need a Referral!

Choose your Therapist

  • Kristin Vernon, MSW, LCSW

    Specializes in: (Ages 5+) Children, Adolescents, Couples, Families, Anxiety, Depression, Self-Esteem Issues, Grief and Loss, Communication Skills, Divorce, Adjustment Disorders, Mood Disorders, Coping Skills, Parenting, Family Conflict, Marital Conflict, Relationship Issues
    Insurance: BCBS, Tricare, Medicare, cash
    Location: Southern Pines, NC
  • Gretchen Montesanto, MA, LPC, NCC

    Specializes in: (Ages 18+) Teens, Individuals, Anxiety, Depression, Self-Esteem Issues, Grief and Loss, Stress, LGBT, Adjustment Disorder, Motivation, Life Transitions, Mood Disorders, Military Spouses

    Credit Cards: Visa, Mastercard, Discover and American Express

    Location: Southern Pines, NC
    Insurance: BCBS, Tricare and Cash
    Location: Southern Pines, NC
  • Jaime J. Fitzpatrick MS, LPCS, LCAS

    Specializes in: (Ages 18+) Adults, Families and Couples, Anxiety, PTSD, Trauma and Abuse Recovery, Depression, Military Life Issues, Adjustment Disorder, Relationship Issues, Marriage Counseling, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, Trauma Focused Therapy, Addictions, Emotional Disturbance, Coping Skills, Impulsivity, Grief and Loss, Self-Esteem
    Insurance: BCBS, Tricare and Cash

    Credit Cards: Visa, Mastercard, Discover and American Express

    Location: Southern Pines, NC
  • Kelly ErkenBrack, LCSW

    Specializes in: (Ages 3+) Children, Teens, Adults, Couples and Families. Anxiety, Depression, Grief and Loss, Mood Disorders, Trauma, Adjustments and Life Transitions, ADHD, Behavioral Issues, Parenting, Relationship Concerns, Self Esteem
    Insurance: BCBS, Medicare,  Tricare Prime/Select and Cash

    Credit Cards: Visa, Mastercard, Discover and American Express

    Location: Pinehurst, NC and Southern Pines, NC
  • Kathryn Wiens, PsyD. HSP-P

    Specializes in: (Ages 18+) Adult, Individuals, Couples and Families.
    Insurance: BCBS, Medicare, Tricare Prime/Select, Cash, HSA and FSA accepted

    Credit Cards: Visa, Mastercard, Discover and American Express

    Location: Pinehurst, NC and Southern Pines, NC
  • Tracy Goldberg, MSW, LCSW

    Specializes in: (Ages 5+) Individuals, Adolescents, Adults, Couples, Children and Families. Attention Deficit, Oppositional Defiance, Behavioral Issues, Peer Relationships, Family Conflict, Depression, Anxiety, Parenting Anxiety, ADHD, Self-Esteem Issues, Family Conflict/Divorce, Marriage Counseling, Adjustment Disorders, Relationship Issues, Grief and Loss, Communication Skills, Behavioral Issues, Coping Skills, Mood Disorders, Parent Skill Building, Christian Counseling upon request
    Insurance: BCBS, Tricare, Medicare, Cash, HRA and FSA accepted

    Credit Cards: Visa, Mastercard, Discover and American Express

    Location: Southern Pines, NC
  • Robin Caswell, MSW, LCSW

    Specializes in: (Ages 5+), Individuals, Adults, Anxiety, Depression, Grief, Loss, ADHD, ODD, Trauma/PTSD, LGBTQ, Self-Harm, Military Family Life, Mood Disorders, OCD, Phobias
    Insurance: BCBS, Tricare, Medicare and Cash

    Credit Cards: Visa, Mastercard, Discover and American Express

    Location: Southern Pines, NC