Adolescence is both an exciting and challenging time. It is a period when teens formulate their identity. As they move toward independence and self-sufficiency, all teenagers struggle with questions, such as “Who am I?”, “Where do I belong?”, “What do I want to be in the future?”

For adopted teens, the questions are more complex, as they consider their biological family while figuring out who they are, where they came from, and what they desire to be. As they navigate through the developmental tasks during identity formation, unknown or missing information can leave a void in their personality and a sense of loss. Adoptive parents must understand the impact of these unique adoption-related issues and why the support of a specialized adoption-competent counselor may be needed.

The Multitude of Issues Facing an Adopted Child

• Identity Formation—Adopted children who do not know their birth parents are inclined to ask who they really are, struggling with questions you may not have the answers to, such as “Where do I get my curly hair?” or “Do I have siblings?” They may live each day wondering why they were given up for adoption.
• Control and Autonomy—While this is a common issue between parents and teens, an adopted teen may grapple more intensely with the fact that his or her life has always been dependent on someone’s decision. The birth mother decided to place the child for adoption and you made the decision to adopt him or her. The child was not involved in these decisions, and had no control over the loss of the birth family and choice of the adoptive family.
• Search for Belonging—The feeling of not belonging may arise when adopted children cannot trace their traits to a source. The fact that the birth parents did not keep the child is highlighted when others begin to notice differences, such as being a brunette when the rest of the family has black hair, or a musically talented member in a family of math wizards. This may trigger uncertainty, with the adopted teen not knowing where he or she fits in.
• Grief—When children become aware that they are adopted, they may grieve over the loss of a relationship with the biological parents and the family connections that would have happened. The feeling may be especially intense when there is little or no information available that can help in establishing the child’s identity.
• Fear of Rejection and Abandonment—The adopted teen may want to reconnect with the birth family, but may also be afraid of rejection. The feeling of being abandoned can be coupled with hurt over being given away by the birth mother, and may be compounded if the child learns that he or she has siblings raised by the birth parents.

Potential Psychological Effects of Adoption

CNN reports that adopted children face a greater risk of emotional health disorders. Compared to a child born into the family, a child who has been adopted faces unique issues and concerns that revolve around identity, self-esteem, and grief. Even if the child has been with the adoptive family since birth and grew up with secure attachments, a feeling of emptiness may still emerge during the teen years.

Statistics on the effects of adoption have shown that both the adoptee and birth mother are vulnerable to depression and that the rate of self-harm is higher in these populations. The range of issues generally stems from the adoption experience, and they often manifest during the turbulent teen years. Apart from depression, some symptomatic behaviors observed in adoptees include anxiety, reactive attachment disorder (RAD), attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), drug and substance abuse, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and more. When unresolved, these issues can become dramatically destructive in ways that adoptive parents may not be equipped to manage.

Helping Your Adopted Teen

As an adoptive parent, you have no control over the risks your child experienced prior to adoption, but you can provide an environment where the child can grow with a healthy mind and body.

If your adopted teen is experiencing emotional distress related to the adoption, seek the timely help of a counselor. Whether the child is looking for answers to identity questions or acting out frustration and anger, consider the possibility of professional help from Carolina Counseling Services – Southern Pines, NC. Intervention by one of the independently contracted counselors with CCS – Southern Pines, NC, is the key to resolving adoption issues and preventing them from becoming more serious in the future. Call now to schedule an appointment.