There are countless reasons why couples can have conflicts throughout their marriage. Interestingly, most of these don’t really start as big or serious. Small issues “swept under the rug” can mount and grate on your nerves until you’re both ready to explode.

Avoiding your marital problems can only be a temporary strategy. Sooner or later, these issues need to be resolved, if a meaningful peace is hoped for. If you can’t seem to resolve them without stirring deep-seated negative emotions, don’t force it. Seek a sensible solution with the help of a professional counselor.

A counselor can help you, not only to resolve the issues that hound your marriage, but also to develop some skills in conflict resolution and in fostering healthy communication. These are necessary for making your interactions healthy and establishing a nurturing environment in your home.

What Is Marital Conflict?

Marital problems do not arise from a single difference in opinion, but from a chain of conflicts or unresolved misunderstandings damaging the marriage. It is easy to turn away from a small issue, but ignoring them consistently can ruin your overall relationship.

To make your marriage work, you need to minimize if not prevent serious marital conflicts. If this seems next to impossible, do what is possible: find a marriage counselor to help make your conflicts healthy and resolve your issues. Seeking marital counseling is proactive. It can prevent issues from getting buried or getting worse.

A healthy marriage that can withstand challenges through time has to be built not only on love, but also on trust and respect. These can be built over time, but only when both are willing to set aside their own interests for each other’s happiness and for the resilience of the union.

The Implications of Conflicts in Marriage

Conflicts are normal, especially with the person you spend your life with. Small petty ones can be swept under the rug, but you must be able to distinguish these from the ones that will eventually get too big or too hot to handle.

Major conflicts can impact a couple’s entire lives—their emotional and physical health, their respective jobs or careers, their abilities to interact, etc. This is why issues must not be ignored for long. Your marriage, which should be a source of personal fulfillment and happiness, can ironically push you to the brink of unhappiness, depression, anxiety, drinking, and poor health.

Marital conflict may also negatively impact other family concerns, leading to poor parenting, sibling rivalry, poor adjustment of children, and a higher chance of conflict between parents and children. Married couples with children must not forget that the children can be the unseen “collateral damage” in a broken or unhappy home.

Avoiding Conflict: Is It Healthy?

It is understandable that people in a loving relationship would want to avoid conflicts, especially over simple and trivial matters. Conflicts over small things can be viewed as petty. They can also be emotionally challenging and draining. The outcome of an intense conflict can also be unpredictable, and that makes it scary, especially when things get out of control or when there are children involved.

Hurting words can be flippantly hurled with the intention of releasing one’s fury or annoyance, or to get even and cause the other pain. In the course of an unhealthy conflict, a lot of things can be said that one or both may regret or feel guilty about as soon as the intense emotions ebb. Unfortunately, you can never take them back afterwards, even if you are sorry.

Intense confrontations can be destructive, but avoiding conflict can also be unproductive and unhealthy. Your issues will never be resolved with indifference or silence. Just sleeping on your issues or not wanting to argue about them doesn’t make it okay. Holding your tongue because children or other people are around can be strategic, but the value of discussing the issue afterwards so it can be settled must not be discounted.

Marriage Counseling: The Healthy Solution

It is true that confrontations can be very damaging, if you allow your emotions to get the better of you. What you may not realize is that avoiding conflict can be more damaging to the relationship and the family as a whole. The key is to acknowledge the fact that conflicts are natural and that there are good, healthy ways to work through your issues. One of these ways is bringing in professional help from Carolina Counseling Services — Pinehurst, NC.

Hurting each other’s feelings and letting your emotions run high can only multiply the damage and push the solutions further out of reach, but it is possible to have healthy conflicts that encourage conversation and growth. A counselor independently contracted with Carolina Counseling Services — Pinehurst can help you explore and develop the resolution skills necessary to resolve conflicts.

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