Healing from the Pain of Betrayal
in Marriage

Betrayal may take many forms, such as abandonment, vicious gossip, or a series of indiscretions that deteriorate your trust, confidence, and respect. Betrayal has ended long-term friendships and divided closely knit families. Discovering that someone you trusted has betrayed you can leave you feeling shocked and deeply hurt.

Of all types of betrayal, the most painful may be a spouse’s infidelity. Infidelity can be considered one of the most traumatic acts in a marriage due to the heartache and devastation that it can create. Many marriages that survive infidelity find that it may take several years to rebuild the trust afterwards. If you are faced with a similar situation, you may be questioning whether you can give your marriage another chance.

Asking Why

It can be hard to say what leads to infidelity. You may find yourself asking many questions and even questioning yourself. You may be presented with vague answers and fear that cheating may become a pattern in your relationship. The choice to continue on in your marriage will be up to you and a decision that only you and your spouse can make. Regardless of whether you choose to work on your marriage or separate, it can be important for the real concerns to be addressed.

Working to Rebuild Trust

Remarkably, not all couples divorce after a betrayal. Some do reconcile. This, however, can only happen once healing has taken place. It may be comforting to know that there is hope for your marriage, even after a storm. According to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, most marriages become stronger and more intimate after seeking professional help.

Rebuilding trust can be a difficult process. Acknowledging that betrayal is not always caused by a problem in the relationship can help in your healing. It helps too if you can use this crisis to constructively work toward better understanding in your relationship. Developing an awareness of how your partner thinks, feels, and behaves is essential in rebuilding trust.

If you are the one who was unfaithful, you are likely plagued by feelings of guilt, shame, sadness, and remorse. Knowing you have hurt a loved one may affect your own self-esteem and identity. Keep in mind that it may take time for your partner to heal and to trust you again, so be prepared for the consequences and take responsibility for your mistake. Accountability is essential for rebuilding trust.

Healing Together: Is It Possible?

Healing from betrayal will not be easy as it touches on the most fundamental aspects of a loving relationship – trust, faithfulness, and security – but it is possible. Looking at affairs as a sign of a troubled marriage or as a “wake-up call” may make it easier for couples to forgive, an essential element for healing. In many cases, healing together is possible, but sometimes more difficult.

You and your spouse will be coming from different perspectives, which may require different approaches for healing to take place. You and your spouse may want to consider going through therapy together to heal as a couple and to avoid the same things from happening again.

Reaching Out to Heal

It’s not easy to let go of the pain, what happened cannot be changed but will happen can. Betrayal is more than a marital conflict you can “sweep under the rug.” You can reach out for support and comfort from other people you love, such as family and friends. It can also be beneficial to reach out to a professional. Some couples may avoid opening up to their usual support system, but a professional counselor can be an objective and confidential source of help.

If you’re concerned that infidelity may be compromising your marriage you can seek help from a counselor/therapist independently contracted with Carolina Counseling Services — Pinehurst, NC. When you make a call, you’ll be matched with the right therapist for you who will work with you through your painful feelings and concerns in a constructive way. Contact CCS — Pinehurst, NC today!

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