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Letting the Old Feelings Go After Divorce


Letting the Old Feelings Go After Divorce


There is no such thing as an easy divorce. When your marriage ends, your world turns upside down and all sorts of painful and unsettling feelings are triggered. On top of that, there is the legal rigmarole to attend to as you adjust to new routines. It is often a time of confusion, turmoil, and chaos. Abigail Trafford, a book author, describes the post-divorce period as “crazy time.”

Ex-spouses may exhibit irrational behaviors, doing things they have never done before, while feeling emotions such as sadness, anger, panic, and fear. Divorce could be likened to a death— the death of the marriage, death of trust, death of security, death of honor, etc. Unfortunately, dealing with the emotional reaction to this is a difficult phase that all divorcing couples must go through. At this time, it can help tremendously if you seek emotional assistance from a trained counselor.


Enduring the Emotional Pain of Divorce

Divorce is a painful experience. It triggers all sorts of uncomfortable and frightening feelings and thoughts, including grief, rejection, sadness, depression, guilt, despair, anxiety, anger, and frustration, to name a few. You are likely to feel sadness about the end of a significant relationship you nurtured for years, and profound disappointment and grief over the loss of shared dreams and commitments. There can be anger, if your partner betrayed your trust in the relationship. You may also feel guilty as you admit failure on your part to make the marriage work. Fear may grip you at the thought of being single, alone, and lonely. What will life be like without your spouse?

The prospect of financial difficulties and social discrimination can scare you. Divorce launches you into a new chapter in life, where everything is disrupted and confusing. You may feel uncertain about the future. Myriad emotions may engulf you, and there can be overwhelming depression as you think about starting a new life after divorce. Unfortunately, nothing can quickly take the pain away. You need to work through it all to bring about real healing. It can take time, but it is possible to move past these old feelings.


What It Takes to Let Go

If you’re in the process of divorce, the next challenge is moving forward with life. Divorce ends a chapter, and a new one is potentially beginning. It can only start if you turn the page and explore what’s in store for you in your new life. Divorce can be a gateway to personal growth, new experiences, and new relationships. If you are seeing divorce otherwise, you will have difficulty moving on.

Whether you flourish emotionally after divorce will depend on your resiliency, mindset, and support systems. It is possible to be trapped in unresolved feelings of guilt and anger, believing you can only let go when you find justice. Obtaining justice may, however, be more trouble than it is worth. It is more practical to get professional help to put your emotions in the right perspective, forgive mistakes, and accept the finality of divorce. Often, moving on is a smarter decision that can help you let go of the past.


Choosing to Move Forward

This is the time to take care of yourself, work on your personal growth, and put your life back on track. It’s normal to feel grief. It’s necessary for your broken heart to heal and mend.

During this period, you may find it helpful to share your feelings with trusted people, such as your family and friends. Expressing your hurt and fear may lessen your pain as you listen to the comforting advice of your sympathetic audience. Unfortunately, not everyone is a good listener, has time to listen, or is qualified to help. Your relatives and friends have their own lives to live and may eventually get tired of what you have to say, especially if the grieving process is taking a long time.

You must use your best judgment in deciding with whom, how much, and how often to share to prevent exhausting your support system. To find comfort, heal your hurt, and restore your confidence, you may wish to seek support from an independent counselor contracted with Carolina Counseling Services – Southern Pines, NC, through talk therapy or counseling after divorce.

Recovery from the pains of divorce will be slow, and unpleasant feelings will be an unwelcome companion, but counseling is an excellent option for obtaining divorce support from a trained and empathic listener. With time, and with help from Carolina Counseling Services – Southern Pines, NC, you can be healed and let go of your marriage. Call us now to schedule an appointment.


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Serving Areas: Carolina Counseling Services – Southern Pines, NC

Counties: Moore county, NC, Lee County, NC, Montgomery County, NC, Richmond County, NC, Randolph County, NC, Chatham County, NC

Cities: Southern Pines NC, Pinehurst NC, Aberdeen NC, Taylortown NC, Pinebluff NC, West End NC, Seven Lakes NC, Eagle Springs NC, Ashley Heights NC, Ashmont NC, Five Points NC, Wind Blow NC, Jackson Springs NC, Whispering Pines NC, Vass NC, Cameron NC, Carthage NC, Eastwood NC, Lakeview NC, Narrow Ridge NC, Robbins NC, Roseland NC, Tramway NC, Troy NC, Zion Grove NC, Biscoe NC

Confidential / Private Sessions

Carolina Counseling Services – Southern Pines, NC contracts with Licensed professional counselors/therapists/psychologists who provide a friendly, caring, and relaxed atmosphere in the Southern Pines/Pinehurst/Aberdeen/Raeford area. These independently contracted therapists/counselors assist adult individuals, couples, families, and children with resolving issues and getting back to enjoying their lives. Whether you are non-military or military, the independently contracted therapists with Carolina Counseling Services – Southern Pines, NC are able and happy to assist you!

We are located at:

Carolina Counseling Services - Southern Pines, NC
780 NW Broad St. Suite 210
Southern Pines, NC 28387

How Do I Set Up my FIRST Appointment?

  • Call: (910) 585-6745 (Fastest way to schedule)
  • Text: (910) 308-3291 (Reply will be via phone)
  • Click here and use our Contact Form (You must include your phone number, because replies will only be made by telephone to ensure security/privacy)
  • Call or Text for your New Patient Appointment Anytime!
  • Appointment scheduling for NEW clients: Mon-Fri 8:30am-5:15pm
  • New client appts may be scheduled when therapists have openings, which may include daytime, evenings and weekends.
  • Established/Standing Appointments are made directly with your therapist!
  • Referrals: MOST beneficiaries do NOT need a Referral!

Choose your Therapist

  • Kristin Vernon, MSW, LCSW

    Specializes in: (Ages 5+) Children, Adolescents, Couples, Families, Anxiety, Depression, Self-Esteem Issues, Grief and Loss, Communication Skills, Divorce, Adjustment Disorders, Mood Disorders, Coping Skills, Parenting, Family Conflict, Marital Conflict, Relationship Issues
    Insurance: BCBS, Tricare, Medicare, cash
    Location: Southern Pines, NC
  • Gretchen Montesanto, MA, LPC, NCC

    Specializes in: (Ages 18+) Teens, Individuals, Anxiety, Depression, Self-Esteem Issues, Grief and Loss, Stress, LGBT, Adjustment Disorder, Motivation, Life Transitions, Mood Disorders, Military Spouses

    Credit Cards: Visa, Mastercard, Discover and American Express

    Location: Southern Pines, NC
    Insurance: BCBS, Tricare and Cash
    Location: Southern Pines, NC
  • Jaime J. Fitzpatrick MS, LPCS, LCAS

    Specializes in: (Ages 18+) Adults, Families and Couples, Anxiety, PTSD, Trauma and Abuse Recovery, Depression, Military Life Issues, Adjustment Disorder, Relationship Issues, Marriage Counseling, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, Trauma Focused Therapy, Addictions, Emotional Disturbance, Coping Skills, Impulsivity, Grief and Loss, Self-Esteem
    Insurance: BCBS, Tricare and Cash

    Credit Cards: Visa, Mastercard, Discover and American Express

    Location: Southern Pines, NC
  • Kelly ErkenBrack, LCSW

    Specializes in: (Ages 3+) Children, Teens, Adults, Couples and Families. Anxiety, Depression, Grief and Loss, Mood Disorders, Trauma, Adjustments and Life Transitions, ADHD, Behavioral Issues, Parenting, Relationship Concerns, Self Esteem
    Insurance: BCBS, Medicare,  Tricare Prime/Select and Cash

    Credit Cards: Visa, Mastercard, Discover and American Express

    Location: Pinehurst, NC and Southern Pines, NC
  • Kathryn Wiens, PsyD. HSP-P

    Specializes in: (Ages 18+) Adult, Individuals, Couples and Families.
    Insurance: BCBS, Medicare, Tricare Prime/Select, Cash, HSA and FSA accepted

    Credit Cards: Visa, Mastercard, Discover and American Express

    Location: Pinehurst, NC and Southern Pines, NC
  • Tracy Goldberg, MSW, LCSW

    Specializes in: (Ages 5+) Individuals, Adolescents, Adults, Couples, Children and Families. Attention Deficit, Oppositional Defiance, Behavioral Issues, Peer Relationships, Family Conflict, Depression, Anxiety, Parenting Anxiety, ADHD, Self-Esteem Issues, Family Conflict/Divorce, Marriage Counseling, Adjustment Disorders, Relationship Issues, Grief and Loss, Communication Skills, Behavioral Issues, Coping Skills, Mood Disorders, Parent Skill Building, Christian Counseling upon request
    Insurance: BCBS, Tricare, Medicare, Cash, HRA and FSA accepted

    Credit Cards: Visa, Mastercard, Discover and American Express

    Location: Southern Pines, NC