Letting The Old Feelings Go
After Divorce

There is no such thing as an easy divorce. When your marriage ends, your world turns upside down and all sorts of painful and unsettling feelings are triggered. On top of that, there is the legal rigmarole to attend to as you adjust to new routines. It is often a time of confusion, turmoil, and chaos. Abigail Trafford, a book author, describes the post-divorce period as “crazy time.”

Ex-spouses may exhibit irrational behaviors, doing things they have never done before, while feeling emotions such as sadness, anger, panic, and fear. Divorce could be likened to a death— the death of the marriage, death of trust, death of security, death of honor, etc. Unfortunately, dealing with the emotional reaction to this is a difficult phase that all divorcing couples must go through. At this time, it can help tremendously if you seek emotional assistance from a trained counselor.

Enduring the Emotional Pain of Divorce

Divorce is a painful experience. It triggers all sorts of uncomfortable and frightening feelings and thoughts, including grief, rejection, sadness, depression, guilt, despair, anxiety, anger, and frustration, to name a few. You are likely to feel sadness about the end of a significant relationship you nurtured for years, and profound disappointment and grief over the loss of shared dreams and commitments. There can be anger, if your partner betrayed your trust in the relationship. You may also feel guilty as you admit failure on your part to make the marriage work. Fear may grip you at the thought of being single, alone, and lonely. What will life be like without your spouse?

The prospect of financial difficulties and social discrimination can scare you. Divorce launches you into a new chapter in life, where everything is disrupted and confusing. You may feel uncertain about the future. Myriad emotions may engulf you, and there can be overwhelming depression as you think about starting a new life after divorce. Unfortunately, nothing can quickly take the pain away. You need to work through it all to bring about real healing. It can take time, but it is possible to move past these old feelings.

What It Takes to Let Go

If you’re in the process of divorce, the next challenge is moving forward with life. Divorce ends a chapter, and a new one is potentially beginning. It can only start if you turn the page and explore what’s in store for you in your new life. Divorce can be a gateway to personal growth, new experiences, and new relationships. If you are seeing divorce otherwise, you will have difficulty moving on.

Whether you flourish emotionally after divorce will depend on your resiliency, mindset, and support systems. It is possible to be trapped in unresolved feelings of guilt and anger, believing you can only let go when you find justice. Obtaining justice may, however, be more trouble than it is worth. It is more practical to get professional help to put your emotions in the right perspective, forgive mistakes, and accept the finality of divorce. Often, moving on is a smarter decision that can help you let go of the past.

Choosing to Move Forward

This is the time to take care of yourself, work on your personal growth, and put your life back on track. It’s normal to feel grief. It’s necessary for your broken heart to heal and mend.

During this period, you may find it helpful to share your feelings with trusted people, such as your family and friends. Expressing your hurt and fear may lessen your pain as you listen to the comforting advice of your sympathetic audience. Unfortunately, not everyone is a good listener, has time to listen, or is qualified to help. Your relatives and friends have their own lives to live and may eventually get tired of what you have to say, especially if the grieving process is taking a long time.

You must use your best judgment in deciding with whom, how much, and how often to share to prevent exhausting your support system. To find comfort, heal your hurt, and restore your confidence, you may wish to seek support from an independent counselor contracted with Carolina Counseling Services – Southern Pines, NC, through talk therapy or counseling after divorce.

Recovery from the pains of divorce will be slow, and unpleasant feelings will be an unwelcome companion, but counseling is an excellent option for obtaining divorce support from a trained and empathic listener. With time, and with help from Carolina Counseling Services – Southern Pines, NC, you can be healed and let go of your marriage. Call us now to schedule an appointment.

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